You can't just cut off my power!
How much do I owe? Only $700!
How long will it take? You're joking!
"Bad luck" by Luna Ng
What bad luck. My power got cut!
I have no heat, no light.
And I forgot to backup my columns.
So they're all gone.
There's a local saying, "Stepping on poop".
Have you worn shoes with grooved soles.
And stepped in a soft pile?
If so, you understand.
Hello? Susan!
I'll write it when I get home.
My power was cut off!
Really!
It will take another hour.
All right... goodbye!
I'll bring it to you.
No, thanks!
I'm unlucky today. I'll break it!
Then I'll sell it to you cheaper.
I am afraid of that.
Broken pieces are useful, too.
I made this. So nice.
Right!
It is pretty!
Not for sale!
Vinyl records? People want these?
This is great stuff. Nat King Cole and
Frank Sinatra's classic collections.
My first boyfriend loved these.
I gave him a limited edition once for his birthday.
He was so happy...
I'm holding this for someone.
This is the one, I gave it to him!
My first boyfriend!
That's my signature, I'm Luna!
Why is it here?
You're a Virgo?
How did you know?
You should stay home today, you know.
He can do this because I'm a Virgo?
That's too cruel!
It took me forever to find this.
I can't let anyone else have it.
It's already been bought!
He didn't have enough cash, he'll be back.
Trust is important in business, see?
Please, I'll give you more money.
Call him!
I understand.
I see!
I sympathize with you.
Let me speak to the boss lady.
I don't care who she is.
That record is mine.
I'm coming to get it now, thanks.
He said no.
He did?
He pretended to sympathize with me!
He said he's coming now.
Wait here and beg him face to face.
Me, beg him?
Yes!
I can tell from his voice he's nasty!
All men are cold-blooded!
I hope the record is moldy and scratchy.
Where are you?
In a taxi, on my way to pick up something.
I just want to see where are you now.
When will you come back?
Don't be late.
Last time I played two songs before you arrived.
they made me write a report.
I know!
I don't want to seem to be defending you.
My fans are the ones defending me.
Without fans, they can go to hell.
Why is the beer warm?
I told you about the power cut.
Don't throw my things away.
C.H. Yuen, you come out here now!
You have two choices.
First, hire a maid.
Second, move in with me!
Rent-free?
Pay just a little!
You're paying so much for this space!
But it's still my own place!
If I move in with you,
I have to tolerate you and your buddies.
My side of the bed is in demand.
I've warned you.
If you can rent it out.
You have to return my...
I never gave you anything.
Let's go eat.
I'm meeting my buddies at Luk Yew Tea House.
No, thanks.
I don't want to listen to men to gossip.
Which beauty queens being with whom.
That's why you can't think of any topics.
You have to meet people to find topics.
Sorry, I don't write gossip columns.
Nor do free advertising.
Aren't you noble.
You'll be living off me, anyway.
C.H. Yuen!
If I had money I'd sue you!
Ready!
Vinyl Record Courier, your host Cheung Yung.
There's something called "The Beauty of Imperfection".
When we listen to Zhou Xuan of Edith Piaf.
Both women have
girlish singing voices.
I feel this is "The Beauty of Imperfection".
Then there's "The Beauty of Regret".
What is that?
I'll tell you later.
First let's listen to an Edith Piaf song.
I still miss him.
I don't know how to forget him.
I make myself very busy.
Like now, I'm still at work.
I called you so I wouldn't think of him.
Doing two things at the same time.
You're still at work?
We'll talk softly so your boss won't hear.
Ask your boss if he can hear us now.
You men have no sympathy!
Rich girls have taken the sympathetic ones.
Vinyl record lovers have cold hearts.
The more pity I show, the worse you'll feel.
But I make fun of you.
You get angry, throw a fit, curse me to hell.
Turn your anger around and feel better.
Some say my voice is harsh.
I understand that.
You're tired after a hard day.
You get home, put down your things.
You want a drink, and get into your slippers.
No way.
Your wife has to cook, and is a nag.
Your husband has to socialize.
The kids want to watch TV.
The maid won't get off the phone.
You seek comfort from a soothing voice.
But that's like whoring.
I don't want to induce indecent behavior.
So I'll continue using
this voice on my show.
I just mentioned "The Beauty of Regret".
You like something, can't have it.
That's "The Beauty of Regret".
Not everyone is intelligent enough
to appreciate it.
Today a woman begged me
to let her have a vinyl record.
Saying it was a gift to her first love.
Of course I didn't, for my own good.
Hoping she can feel "The Beauty of Regret".
It's not always good to posses.
First loves leave the deepest impressions.
Mementos from those cause sadness.
Why keep them?
I'm played this duet
for the woman I just met on the phone.
An Armstrong and Fitzgerald song.
Mrs. Yuen, this is Luna.
Remember? I used to visit!
Luna! How are you?
Is C.H. there?
He went to Canada years ago.
Do you have his number?
You're looking for him?
Yes!
It's midnight there.
I'll wait to call in the morning.
Well, let me ask him.
I'll have him call you.
What, he's a movie star now?
Susan, it's me.
I'm writing a piece I want to run tomorrow.
Can you let Layout Department know?
Please help me with this, okay?
"Regret"
Regret starts with cold-heartedness.
A lawyer friend tells me
some criminals are born without shame.
Once, he heard
a man accused of cheating the elderly.
Defending his actions by saying
"He'll be cheated anyway, why not by me?"
If you were in the jury,
would you acquit him for his honesty?
Sir, your dish of steak.
Some people are worse.
They do brutal things.
Then openly flaunt it on the radio.
That man's name is Cheung Yung.
What qualifies him to be a DJ?
It's noise pollution.
Bending logic to justify his actions.
I ordered it medium, look.
There's no blood at all.
Sorry, I'll get you another.
Are you listening to this?
Every word. And getting hungrier.
She's naming you in her column.
My boss is her loyal fan.
He's a fool, you'll soon take his place.
Others read her, too; so do I!
How did you offend her?
But you do that every day.
What's her name?
Luna Ng!
Let me see it!
"Luna Talks" (Menstrual Cycle)?
No wonder she's like this, she's...
Good, it bleeds.
Oscar wouldn't come in with me.
He was afraid of the cat on your sign.
Right, Oscar?
Then I gave him some counseling.
Bought him a Hello Kitty chew toy.
So he stopped fearing cats.
Bad boy, you chewed up Hello Kitty?
He's not a bad boy.
He's such a good boy.
When I'm sad and crying alone
he licks away my tears
because they taste like beef.
Of course not, we're both vegetarians.
Oscar lights up my life.
I don't wait for the phone to ring anymore.
Or wait for dates, forcing myself to smile.
You should get a dog.
But I'm not gay.
But you're lonely.
It shows?
More so than your pimples,
It'll be more obvious with a dog.
But you won't feel it.
Take him with you to work.
Train him to watch your customers.
Take him to the park.
Sleep with him when it's cold.
The best way is to adopt
oOrphans are so eager to please.
Look at my Oscar.
Where can I get one?
You can get one from the SAA.
They have all kinds of dogs there.
Oscar, let me look at you... Oscar.
He's licking my acne cream.
It must taste like veggies.
Holy shit!
Acne cream will kill him!
What can we do? Shit!
I'll bring you to the Veterinarian, to Dr. Mario.
Dr. Mario?
You again?
Yes, me again!
I've been here the past few days.
But not tomorrow.
That pathetic woman yesterday...
She wasn't pathetic.
Is she an old customer?
You feel bad and wish to return the record?
- Do I look like that? - No!
Correct!
What do you want?
Just looking.
Pimples get worse with squeezing.
I shouldn't have sold you that record.
A dog must be better than men like you.
I think that caller is going nowhere.
A man beat her, she doesn't do anything.
All she does is cry.
Maybe she did hit back.
Calling to complain.
Is an obvious way to get pity.
Women shouldn't do that.
This is the 21st century.
But women lose control sometimes...
Listen to him!
Think up a good story tonight.
And tear him to shreds.
An American woman
killed a man, blamed it on PMS
and was acquitted. Can you believe it?
So a local woman writer copied her.
Calls her column "Luna Talks" (Menstrual Cycle).
A cheap gimmick to get attention.
Take me to the radio station!
You're crazy! You're walking into his trap.
She has a period daily, what can you do?
As a man, I've never suffered from this.
I pity the women who have periods daily.
Besides telling them to see a doctor.
I can only play them this song.
"The Lady is a Tramp"!
Done? Have some more.
No, I can't...
I have to write tomorrow.
Forget it!
Wash your face, have another drink.
Come here.
Happy birthday!
Thank you.
Why are you so late?
We don't have you after-dinner habits.
Meaning what?
Shopping at Prada, Gucci!
I only go to Ferragamo.
Of course, you're old-fashioned.
Drunk already?
What?
She's drunk, we're going home.
Going so soon?
Luna Ng!
Come back here now!
You can't leave yet!
Come back, don't go.
Let me introduce you
the academic genius Luna Ng.
I don't read newspapers but she's a famous columnist.
My classmate, Denise Ma.
He's your equal in the radio world.
He's...
I'm Cheung Yung.
Sorry, excuse me.
Big or small?
Big!
Male or female?
Whatever can protect me.
Male, then.
Do many people leave their dogs here?
Lots of dogs, and cats
and birds, hamsters, turtles, mice...
Lizards, snakes, anything that moves
especially after Christmas.
Why?
People buy pets as gifts.
Good for about two months.
Come with me!
My horoscope's lucky number today is 9.
This one?
He's good, his name is Mo Mo.
Here's Mommy!
Here you are.
There's plenty for everyone.
I just want to know if it's true.
What?
Did you throw urine on Cheung Yung?
Urine?
I wish, but I didn't have enough.
So I used red wine. Who said urine?
The gossip rag from next door.
You're truly my idol.
I hate that guy.
You must have called his show.
And he embarrassed you.
No, all women I know hate him.
But you listen anyway.
You should keep writing bad about him.
Clobber him while you're ahead.
Yes, by popular demand.
Many readers will write to support you.
No need for that.
I personally attacked him, good enough?
Why didn't you take photos?
See how aggressive you are.
Are you afraid he'll sue you?
He'll sue you.
Sure!
Ask your boss if he'll pay for my lawsuit.
Please don't!
Boss is a horny goat.
No, that's free publicity. Sue him.
I don't think he'll sue you.
Don't say I never warned you.
Be careful. There's bound to be more.
Hello?
What are you doing?
I was just about to go out.
I'm free after my meeting, and you?
Laundry!
And planning long-range strategies.
Why blow it out of proportion?
I know what I'm doing.
"I love Robots"
Blue-collar robots, the ones in factories.
Have been around for a long time.
Why isn't there a domestic assistant robot?
Everytime I take my clothes to the laundry
I hope it will come rescue me.
I don't want to carry my heavy laundry
and I must remember my ticket.
I want a new dog.
What's wrong?
He ignores me when I call.
Did you use an anger voice?
No! I was so gentle.
Mo Mo, come here, Mo Mo.
You're using the wrong tone. It's Mo Mo.
- Mo Mo... - Isn't it similar.
Not at all!
Dogs have very sensitive ears.
He thinks you're calling someone else.
Okay. He peed three times on my leg today.
Why? My leg is not that thin, or straight.
Not like a street lamp.
Do you know why dogs pee?
They need to.
Yes, but also to claim territory.
He establishes his territory by scent.
Today, of all things
he peed on your leg three times.
That means he likes you.
He wants to include your leg in his territory.
If he's lost, he follows the smell back to you.
Are you serious?
Yes, be patient.
Dogs are like this. When he feels secure.
He'll stop.
The more you give, the more you receive.
And the more he pees?
Give him some time.
Look, he can't bear to part with you.
He loves you. Look!
Go home with her.
Go home now, bye.
Goodbye, Mo Mo, goodbye.
I'd like to look at the old newspapers.
Sure!
"Old Loves".
I have a white umbrella.
When it was new, it was beautiful.
Long and slim, like an outstanding woman.
Unfortunately, her beauty faded quickly.
After a while the white became yellowed
and stains appeared like freckles.
Besides, length is not an advantage
not as understanding as folding umbrellas.
So I began to create opportunities
to take it out on rainy days.
Hoping I'd leave it behind.
Let it disappear, a painless separation.
A perfect excuse to buy a new one.
Won't that be nice?
The unloved are sensitive.
One day, it just disappeared
without wasting my energy.
Umbrellas have their dignity, too.
But wait, I'm not ready.
It can't disappear without my permission.
I became determined to get it back.
Thought about where I had left it.
Bookstore? Restaurant? Subway?
Went all over the place.
Finally I found it in the cinema.
It was pouting, waiting for me.
I recovered my lost love, all was well.
But from another angle
If I had really lost it
It would be gone forever.
Would that touch of regret suit me better?
All lover's reunions are beyond words.
Right?
Last week I mentioned "The Beauty of Regret".
I was attacked by a woman writer for it.
She said I was brutal, nearly deported me.
And later even
my listeners know I seldom read the papers
especially those whiny columns.
I wasted precious time just now.
To read up on this woman's works
and I discovered
someone changed their tune.
I know some of you
are cursing me as you're listening.
But!
Judge this case with fairness.
Listen as I read this, it's quite long.
The title is "Old Loves"
I have a white umbrella...
If I'd really lost it.
It would be gone forever.
Would that touch of regret suit me better?
Touch of regret!
I bought a second-hand vinyl record.
An ex-boyfriend trying to lose it.
This "love gift" he never wants to see again.
As the host of Vinyl Record Courier.
Don't you think I should rescue the record
and share it with you all?
Think about it.
If this "love gift".
Was returned to an ill-tempered giver.
Goodbye, see you at the incinerator.
But although I despise this rough woman
and believe me, she is very rough.
She is quite a good writer.
In spite of all the nagging, it's not bad
If she can just control herself.
I promise I'll buy that paper every day
and stop stealing it from my neighbor.
I'm getting thirsty, let's listen to a song.
"I have a gift of love."
"I want to give it to you."
"It is my heart!"
"My deep love for you will never change."
"I have a gift of love."
"I want to dedicate it to you."
"My true love to you lasts forever."
"Until the end of the world."
See, the ratings doubled.
Our competitors are so nervous.
Strike while the iron is hot.
Have that Lunar Cycle woman as a guest.
You must accept!
It's great publicity, Miss.
He has tens of thousands of listeners.
I'm not falling into this trap.
He wants to use me.
Use him back, silly.
Your book is coming out, publicize it.
This is called revenge.
He talks dirty, I'm afraid...
You're already, thrown wine on him.
You're just as bad.
Max is putting together a website.
And wants a "Lovers' Mailbox" chat room.
He wants you to host it.
Practice on the radio first.
Isn't that great? Do it!
Me, on camera? I only know how to write.
Why not? It just the same.
It's hip to be multimedia these days.
How much can you make just writing?
Cockroach!
You'll have rats soon, this is a junkyard.
Books and papers attract roaches.
You're a coward.
Forget it, you're hiring a maid.
Mo Mo! Dumb dog!
Mo Mo!
Know your limitations, idiot!
Mo Mo!
Horny Goat!
Since you don't answer to your name, Horny Goat!
Good boy!
Great. Daddy found Mo Mo!
Horny Goat!
Not only are you horny, but...
What are you talking about?
Don't touch my dog.
Your dog?
Where did you find him?
Mo Mo! Come with me!
He doesn't know you.
Right, Mo Mo?
Dumb dog!
Don't conspire with others against me
If not for me you'd be dead.
Dumb dog!
Heartless beast!
Pretty Babe!
I had a crush, on her.
I found out she was sad, her dog had died.
I spent a fortune, bought a similar dog.
To make her happy,
I even trained him well for a month.
I'm not good with people.
But okay with dogs.
But she changed jobs, changed her number.
And the dog...
Of course, you're short and bad.
And you called me "witch".
It's because you called me "horny goat".
The word "loyal" is written on my forehead.
You can see it under an ultraviolet light.
It's very clear.
Too bad it's not the word "handsome".
Or we'd have the dog to thank for our love.
Look in the mirror, Pretty Babe.
Welcome, Miss Ng.
Denise will take care of you for me.
Please don't be polite, blast him away.
The more "wewungwung" the better.
Okay? Thanks.
What's a "wewungwung"?
In old movies, when fighters face off,
each radiates weapons from his palms.
"Wewungwung" is the sound when they clash.
It's okay. Generation gap.
You don't have one with him,
I work for him.
Cheung Yung has prepared some questions.
Just pretend you're talking normally.
Talk about your questions.
Have a drink.
It's not drugged.
I have my first guest in two years.
She has it coming 36 days a year.
Miss Luna Ng.
Why is your column called "Luna Talks"?
How disappointing: I knew you'd ask this.
And so I decided I won't answer.
No?
Criminals have the right to remain silent.
Will you remain silent to all my questions?
Depends on my mood.
Do you mind if I ask the questions?
Stealing my spot?
Yes, or taking calls for you.
I can be crude, too.
Crudeness requires skill.
Like going to a massage parlor.
It takes the right masseuse.
Sure, try it!
Miss Ng, I have a question for you.
Are you married?
No!
Not every woman is wanted.
Right, especially Hong Kong women.
So arrogant, crude, and self-righteous.
Tell a joke, and it's sexual harassment.
Look at her and you're horny.
Ask for a date and she pretends to be busy.
You always pay for dinners.
Despises your Japanese car, really...
Mr. Chou, I think you are...
You women are all alike.
Ignorant, and love to interrupt.
You've heard of President Clinton?
A very capable man.
Got in trouble, nearly impeached. Why?
Bad wife!
Doesn't cook, talking all the time.
Makes a husband lose dignity.
He needs to cheat to tolerate that.
That stupid woman should be sent home.
For doing damage to her husband!
Who knew...
I feel we can no longer discuss this.
You think you're so wonderful.
Rude, bitchy, tyrannical and opinionated.
Just like my ex-wife.
Working, not staying home with the kids...
If you don't hang up, I'm leaving!
No, our buddy is a bit temperamental.
But what he says makes sense.
Feminist activists only harm fellow women.
What does a woman most care about?
What do you most often write about?
It's love, isn't it?
You can't just talk about love.
You must back it up with action.
Cooking, housework are big parts of love.
Right?
Did you pay off that guy?
Women often imagine these things.
She's gone?
I think so, let's enjoy a song.
Miss Ng, please listen: I'm sorry.
He was out of line, don't blame him.
Sorry, please listen to me.
Miss Ng!
You were right leaving like that.
Too bad you didn't talk about your book.
I'm going to put a cockroach in your mouth.
You got it made.
The gossip pages will carry your picture.
I should have taken some good PR photos.
It's okay, I'll bring this tape to Claudia.
You know who she is? Chairman of the EOC.
He's dead meat.